Karl Pilkington Quotes

I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus.

On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus.

On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe.

At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.

On seals - Its between a fish and a dog.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water.

It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.

At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?

So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?

(on cockroaches living without a head for a week) Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility?

Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.

And whilst the lizard’s having a kip, the scorpion says, ‘Tell ya what: I’ll do you a little deal…’

No it's one of them things though, imagine it.. if you're that caretaker and you're thinkin I've got away with this then suddenly a plant grasses you up.. you weren't expectin that.

Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we're going to run out.