Karl Pilkington Quotes

So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?

Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit...

No ones been up that high!

You know that guy Richard Blackwood? He went in for a colonic, live TV. Never seen again.

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep

On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a diss.

(On fun-sized chocolates) I don't know why they're called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off

On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella.

I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm

Any problem solved is a new problem made.

You won't get anything done by planning.

The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit?

It’s just hassle of having friends and family an’ that.

That impresses me more, inventin' electricity[Talking about Benjamin Franklin]

Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever.' He wasn't a saint, he did nothin [Karl arguing with Steve and Ricky about Russian artifacts containing a portrait of a Russian Saint]