Aliás, a humildade me convém após a experiência de ataques repetidos. Portanto, não perco a paciência.

The calamity leaves us our old courage and our old earnest energy. Let the world say venomously what it cannot refrain from saying; it will leave you and me cold. On the contrary, we are counting on the possibility of a hard life which will have a purpose other than earning as much money as possible. Our purpose is in the first place self-reform by means of a handicraft and of intercourse with nature, believing as we do that this is our first duty in order to be honest with others and to be consistent - our aim is walking with God - the opposite of living in the midst of the doings of the big cities.

But he seems to have misunderstood my intention, as he got the impression that I planned to live on the bounty of my uncles; this being his opinion, he wrote me a very discouraging letter, and said I had no right to do such a thing. I certainly do not pretend to have the right, but I want to prevent this affair from ever becoming the subject of gossip in the studios; therefore I think that it is necessary for good relations between myself and the family to be re-established, at any rate provisionally and outwardly, in expectation of their changing their minds about me.

What a mistake Parisians make in not having a palate for crude things, for Monticellis, for common earthenware. But there, one most not lose heart because Utopia is not coming true. It is only that what I learned in Paris is leaving me, and I am returning to the ideas I had in the country before I knew the impressionists. And I should not be surprised if the impressionists soon find fault with my way of working, for it has been fertilized by Delacroix’s ideas rather than by theirs. Because instead of trying to reproduce exactly what I have before my eyes, I use colour more arbitrarily, in order to express myself forcibly. Well, let that be, as far as theory goes, but I’m going to give you an example of what I mean.

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So I think there must be more animation, and we must throw all doubts overboard, and also a certain lack of confidence. Do you want a motive for keeping one’s serenity even when one is isolated and misunderstood, and has lost all chance for material happiness? This one thing remains - faith; one feels instinctively that an enormous number of things are changing and that everything will change. We are living in the last quarter of a century that will end again in a tremendous revolution.

Osecaj, cak i istancan osecaj za lepotu prirode nije jednak religioznom osecanju, mada verujem da su oba intimno povezana... gotovo svako poseduje osecaj za prirodu... ali samo malo njih oseca: Bog je duh, i onoi koji u njega veruju, moraju to ciniti i u duhu i u stvarnosti.

That affair with the priest has not given me any more trouble. But of course there will always be God-fearing natives in the village who will persist in suspecting me, for one thing is sure, namely that the priest would only too gladly throw the whole blame of that affair on me. However, as I am quite innocent, the gossip from that quarter leaves me perfectly indifferent; as long as they don’t bother me in my painting. I don’t take any notice of it whatever. With the peasants to whom the accident happened, where I often used to paint, I have remained on good terms, and I am as welcome in their home as I used to be. I am now busy painting still lifes of my birds’ nests, four of which are finished; I think some people who are good observers of nature might like them because of the colours of the moss, the dry leaves and the grasses.

அப்பா பத்து கில்டாருக்கு போஸ்டல் ஆர்டர் அனுப்பியிருந்தார். அதோடு சேர்ந்து நீ அனுப்பியிருந்த பணமும் வந்தது. இதை வைத்து நான் கொஞ்சம் படங்களை வரையலாம்.

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