Bo Burnham Quotes

We the people of the USA / José, we're not talkin' to you, ese
We got a border in order to keep you out / It's what my NYU essay's about
Cause we're xenophobic warrior princess / Molested by my Uncle Sam, is that incest?
"I Want You... to smell my finger! Does my nephew's scent still linger?"

Walkin' my poodles, man, it never gets old
With my dogs on the leash, I got bitches on the hold
A first-AIDS kit? That's a rhesus monkey I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? ... Names!

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

This next song is about how sad I am. It's about all the sad stuff; just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.

'Cause I'm Bo, yo / I'm the greatest rapper ever
And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not
Think you're better, you're not / Don't need a sweater, I'm hot
I'm a real G, shorty, that can really find your G-spot

The simple narrative taught in every history class Is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist Don't you know the world is built with blood?
And genocide and exploitation
The global network of capital essentially functions
To separate the worker from the means of production
And the FBI killed Martin Luther King
Private property's inherently theft
And neoliberal fascists are destroying the left
And every politician, every cop on the street
Protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite

Look at all of Bo's hos, lookin' for a ride on Bo's hose
And I spot a little Latino, booty so big, call it "Oprah's ego"
We go to it, through it / She says "¡Dios mia, mi amigo!"
Pull it out, stick it in your mouth, and I bust in the back of ya
"Swallow bitch! There's people starvin' in Africa!"

What's a pirate minus the ship? / Just a creative homeless guy
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? / An ironic way to die
And what's domain domain range? / A kid with too much in his pants
And two balls minus one? / Seven titles at the Tour de France

Hey, what can you say?
We were overdue
But it'll be over soon

We [artists] ask questions! [...] Questions like "Where are all the Sour Patch Parents?" Questions like "If Mickey's a mouse, and Minnie's a mouse, and Donald's a duck, and Daisy and Goofy-- if they're all animals and they can talk, why is Pluto just a fuckin' dog? Did they just forget to anthropomorphize him, or worse, is Mickey keeping a mentally-handicapped dude as a pet?

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, [...] I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.