Jarod Kintz Quotes

My clones better not wear invisible cloaks. How am I supposed to find myself as a person if I can’t even find my clones?

If you want to steal my heart, you must realize it's not a one-time heist. This theft will take every minute of the rest of your life.

This year I vow to learn how to garden. I will be the Farmer of Love and grow in understanding and forgiveness.

The shape of her smile is curved like a lie, like a boomerang she knows she has to catch quickly when it comes back to her.

I have an inconsequential errand to run tomorrow so I’ll get up at 5, be there at 5:30, and wait for them to open up at 10. I’m never late, except in love.

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.

That point in the sky where yellow meets blue, that’s a handshake I want to see at a #networking event. Sunglasses sold separately.

Were you aware that my sister looks like my brother? They both look nonexistent.

Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday.

To catch affection, try being efficient by using a fishing net. You can’t sit back and wait for romance to grow on trees.

I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.

The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.

I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone.

I had to quit my taxi cab driving job because I had no way to get to work. The problem was I kept calling myself to come pick me up.

Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!