Kerry Jackson Quotes

You get first crack at the chicken balls if you get there early.

Are you trying to tell me that there was a time before celebrities?

I've got no hair on my danglies.

Food should not be origami.

And now, the ABC After School Special, Raisins For Festus.

I'm getting screwed today. Right in the mouth.

The fate of the nation is in my hands and I've got a booger. - as George W. Bush

Oh no! He's got him in the deadly Egyptian burger!

I have a fresh muff.

The power of Christ compels you to parry.

When it came right down to it, the reindeer would eat you.

You put this finger in the middle and wiggle it.

At what point do you shake it all about?

If it's a pain in the ass, you're shaving the wrong place.

Never stick your hand out and let someone squirt something into it unless you know what it is.