The Lonely Island Quotes

I jizz right in my pants
Every time you're next to me
And when we're holding hands
It's like having sex to me
You say I'm premature
I just call it ecstasy
I wear a rubber at all times
It's a necessity.

Woooo! 3, 2, 1, go!
Have you heard the news? Everyone’s talkin'
Life is good ‘cause everything's awesome
Lost my job, there’s a new opportunity
More free time for my awesome community
I feel more awesome than an awesome possum
Dip my body in chocolate frostin'
Three years later wash off the frostin'
Smellin’ like a blossom, everything is awesome
Stepped in mud, got new brown shoes,
It’s awesome to win and it’s awesome to lose.

Everyone who has gambled on keeping the three of us together so far, it's gone well. We figured it couldn't hurt to see how long we could ride it.

Yeah, and here's another piece of advice:
Stay away from kids, 'cause their hair is filled with mad lice.
There's no such thing as too much Purell.
This a cautionary tale, word to George Orwell.
So don't 1980-force any plugs into sockets,
Always wear a chastity belt and triple lock it,
Then hire a taster, make him check your food for poison.
And if you think your mailman is a spy, then destroy him.

Girl, you know we've been together, such a long, long time (such a long time)
And now I'm ready, to lay it on the line.
Well, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide (open wide).
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind (what's on my mind).
A gift real special, so take off the top,
Take a look inside - it's my dick in a box (it's in a box).

Back in that ass, yeah
Your mom says hi, jinx!

'Cause I’m a Motherlover,
You’re a Motherlover.
We should fuck each others mothers,
Fuck each others moms.
I’m pushing that way where you came out as a baby,
Ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy.
Fucking each others moms.
‘Cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night.
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Hey, boys, I want you both,
I hope that you think that's cool (Say word?).
I know most guys won't freak together.
But she forgot about the golden rule
Ah-ah-ah!<p>It's okay when it's in a 3-way.
It's not gay when it's in a 3-way.
With a honey in the middle, there's some leeway.
The area's grey in a 1-2-3-way.

At the Farmer's Market with my so-called girlfriend.
She hands me her cell phone says it's my dad,
"Man, this ain't my dad, this is a cell phone."
I threw it on the ground.
What you think I'm stupid?
I'm not a part of your system.
My dad's not a phone, duh!

Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon,
Call Parnell just to see how he’s doin’.
Hello? What up, Parns? Yo, Samberg, what’s crackin'?
You thinking what I’m thinking? Narnia! Man, it’s happenin'!

I just had sex, and it felt so good (felt so good).
A woman let me put my penis inside of her.
I just had sex, and I'll never go back (never go back)
To the not-having-sex ways of the past.

I don't sleep, motherfucker; off that 'gnac and the durban,
Doin' 120, gettin' head while I'm swervin'.
Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick.
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick!
I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherfucker,
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker

Roll up to the theater; ticket buying, what we’re handlin'
You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we’re dropping Hamiltons.
Now parked in our seats, movie trivia's the illest.
"Which Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?"
We answered so fast it was scary.
Everyone stared in awe when we screamed "Matthew Perry!"

I'm on a boat, motherfucker, take a look at me,
Straight floating on a boat on the deep blue sea (yeah, yeah).
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat,
You can't stop me, motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat.

Kings of the bar scene, pounding on brewskies,
Banging chicks right there in the sand.
Bros before hoes and chicks with no clothes and
Slamming shots and marry a man.