John Bain Quotes

British game commentator (1984-2018)

The following is a list of quotes by TotalBiscuit (real name John Bain, 8 July 1984 – 24 May 2018), a video game critic and YouTube personality.

From: Wikiquote (CC BY-SA 4.0)

Native Name: John Peter Bain

Alternative Names: TotalHalibut • The Cynical Brit • TotalBiscuit • Cynical Brit Gaming

From Wikidata (CC0)

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[watching a character's ridiculous idle animation] "Who—? Nobody—Nobody does that!"

[demonstrating the pickpocket mechanic] "I kid you not. That's actually Garry's Incident level of terrible."

You better save regularly if you intend to play this, 'cause you will just…die. From anything! At random! With no prior warning!

Behold: my amazing fighting technique, passed down from generation to generation in the illustrious Garry line. Anyway, as I was saying…

Should've played the bloody Sky Golem. And now he's got my other one. Give it BACK!

Critique exists to protect consumers from unscrupulous companies, and is a necessary part of our society. Wild Games Studio disagrees.

I'd love to show you Wormnet, but I'm not gonna risk it, because Wormnet shows your IP address!

…Why am I even whispering? It's not like they're actually gonna hear me.

This is a full release…! This is a full release! It is not Early Access! This is not a beta, guys! Seriously, I am not lying to you! And this is after about three patches! This game is a f**king disaster!

[about Phil Fish leaving the game industry] "My first reaction, when thinking about covering this, was just to finish by saying, 'NNNope!' and go straight onto the next segment."

'What do you think you're doing?! Helps to have a map!' Also, 'Can you find the missing parts of my face?'

It is a wasted concept [by] a studio that evidently does not have the talent necessary to create something of this complexity, and my god did they screw it up! This is this year's Revelations 2012! And more to the point—it's even got a Revelations 2012 armgun! It's—[beat]—god…! It is…just…horrendously bad!

WHAT?! YOU FFFFFFFfffffff…" [Silence.] "…I just lost. I just lost…!

'We protected our copyright because TotalBiscuit has no right to make advertising revenues with our license.' Stephane Woods is lying, and here's why.

If I haven't made my point clear, let me just spell it out: don't. This is absolutely awful.