Darby Conley Quotes

Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle.

A bad writer is just a good writer with writer's block.

Now you listen to me, you little party favor, I'm sick of your rotten attitude! I let you call me names and push me around because I consider you my friend, but I'm sure that if I wanted to, I could throw you around like a chew toy!!!

This is the line for the hydrant, right?

Robert, after spending 48 hours with this fish, we have transcended the conventional "food-to-consumer" relationship. This fish is now my friend.

I call this "Ode to a Pigeon": Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, You lookin' at me? You lookin' at me?!

There are two kinds of cartoonists in the world today—those who started out by ripping off The Far Side, and those who won't admit that they've ever ripped off The Far Side, probably because they're still doing it (some people rip off Calvin and Hobbes or Bloom County, of course, but they all started by ripping off The Far Side).

Do not go gentle into that cold bath! (Famous cat quotes)

Thank you, o can opener, for this can which you are about to open. You are truly a beautiful can opener, and though I am not worthy of you, I love you.

Is that drooling problem you have due to genetic inbreeding, or are you just really attracted to me? (Example 1 of why Bucky isn't allowed out in public)

Oh-ho-ho-man! I could sit here and smell this pole all day, I kid you not! (Example 1 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)

You may think you're not pretty enough for me, but I bet I'm pretty enough for the both of us. (Example 4 of why Bucky isn't allowed out in public)

Do I live here? ...if not, would you still feed me? (Example 3 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)

OK, monkey, it's just you and me... I'll give you time to pray to your big, filthy monkey god before I food you.

Ohhh, your real name is "Brad"?! I only knew you by what Rob calls you around the house: "big dumb *#%$". (Example 2 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)