Groucho Marx Quotes

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member-

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart's beat, and if your hearts beat any thing but diamonds and clubs, it's because your partner is cheating, or your wife.

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?
Woman: Really?
Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Harpo, a shy and silent fellow, was taken up by the Algonquin crowd, at that time probably the most famous and brilliant conversational group in America. On a clear day, a good many of the following would be assembled there for lunch and mayhem: George Kaufman, Marc Connelly, Robert Benchley, Alexander Woollcott, Franklin P. Adams, Dorothy Parker, Newman Levy, Robert Sherwood, Howard Dietz and many others.

Scientists make these deductions by examining a rat, or your landlord who won’t cut the rent, and what do they find? Asparagus.

"Groucho Marx "This is not a book that should be set aside lightly - it should be flung with great force.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Gentlemen? If you continue to write nasty pieces about me, I shall be obliged to cancel my subscription.

I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.

"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says "yes" you know he is a crook."

I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed.

Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.