Groucho Marx Quotes

PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO

Gentlemen? If you continue to write nasty pieces about me, I shall be obliged to cancel my subscription.

Éstos son mis principios; si no le gustan, tengo otros.

You must realize that not all insomniacs are afflicted with the same blights, and what cures one man is another man’s poison. What about the bed you are floundering around in? Do you use a soft mattress, an orthopedic one, or do you sleep on the springs like the Hindus? Many physicians recommend sleeping on the floor if you arrive home late at night half crocked or, in medical terms, “with a bun on.” I, on the other hand, advise you to forget the doctors, and advise you to sleep on the floor when sober. It has many things to recommend it. To begin with, you eliminate the cost of a bed. The money saved here can then be used for getting drunk again. Moreover, if you sleep on the floor there is no danger of falling — unless you happen to be sleeping near an open manhole.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.

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Ensayo sobre las ventajas de dormir solo*

* Nota del Editor: El autor decidió dejar en blanco este capítulo.

Outside of a dog a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Estos son mis principios; si no le gustan, tengo otros

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart's beat, and if your hearts beat any thing but diamonds and clubs, it's because your partner is cheating, or your wife.

Who you gonna believe, me or your lying eyes?

If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Dompet saya seperti bawang. Setiap kali saya membukanya, saya menangis.