Jack Benny

Rochester: It would've been hard to rhyme a dollar ninety-eight.

Bob Hope: By the way, this is where Bing did his last show and I think they've done very nicely. They've gotten most of it out of the curtains.

Clyde: Then the animals lit fires to keep us away.

Rochester: I think I cut you.

Mugger: Your money or your life.

Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?

Don Wilson: I don't think you know how much it means to me to do the commercial. After all I'm not a funny man. I can't sing or dance. I don't lead a band. What are you paying me for?

Jack: [out of shot] Darn right I am.

Jack Benny: I'm thinking I'm thinking!

Jack: Don, you're hanging yourself.

Jack: I want to look tanned, not lumpy.

Marilyn Monroe: I know, Jack. But what about twenty-five years from now when I'm fifty and you're thirty-nine?

Rochester: Well, you said you wanted something to make you look nice and tanned.

Bob: Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny.

Rochester: Yes, that's the spot all right. You almost had a heart attack when they laughed at Bob Hope.