Jack Benny

'Clyde:' Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?

Don Wilson: Because I had to give him mine.

Jack: When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

Jack: Breast of flamingo and gazelle steaks?

Bob Crosby: That's like keeping the smog and throwing away Los Angeles.

Jack Benny: We're a little late, so good night, folks.

Jack Benny: That star has five points.

Rochester: Well, it went down two points this last year.

Rochester: [checking his equipment] Shaving cream, brush, razor, smelling salts.

Jack: [Pointing to the tiger] He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark.

Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy.

Jack: [poking his head through the stage curtains] Bob, will you please give me my pants back?

Bob Hope: [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.

Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?

Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble.