Phil Hartman Quotes

Canadian-American actor, comedian, screenwriter (1948-1998)

Philip Edward Hartmann (24 September 1948 – 28 May 1998), better known as Phil Hartman, was a Canadian-born American graphic artist, writer, actor, voice artist and comedian.

From: Wikiquote (CC BY-SA 4.0)

Alternative Names: Philip Edward "Phil" Hartman • Philip Edward Hartman

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Phil Hartman [singing]: I hide behind these wigs and this make-up, but tonight, I'm gonna let myself shine through. They're gonna see the real Phil Hartman, TONIGHT!

Lionel: I've been getting a lot of calls about you, Marge. People just love your no-pressure approach.

[narrating "Sex" by Madonna on tape] I like my vagina. Sometimes I stare at it in the mirror when I'm undressing, and wonder what it would look like without any hair.

Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help films as "Smoke Yourself Thin!" and "Get Confident, Stupid!".

Lionel: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.

Troy: Welcome to the Knowledgeum, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?" While you're enjoying our Hall of Wonders, your car unfortunately will be subject to repeated break-ins and... [Fades]

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I'm just a Caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, did little demons get inside and type it? I don't know. My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts.

Your world frightens and confuses me.

Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer".

Lionel: Mrs. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night; the sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.

Lionel: Oh no, we've drawn Judge Schneider.

Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly and Here Comes the Metric System!. Today I will be your narrator in this sex-ed film called Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What.

Lionel: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza.

Judge: Did you hear that, Mr. Cirroc?

Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such other nature films as "Earwigs, Ew." and "Man Vs Nature... The Road To Victory".