Robert Orben Quotes

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery it's a pen that scratches.

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.

It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure.

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs, there'd be no place to put it all.

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?'