Woody Allen Quotes

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

I am at two with nature.

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife — a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

I WANTED nothing more than to be a foreign filmmaker, but of course I was from Brooklyn, which was not a foreign country. Through a happy accident I wound up being a foreign filmmaker because I couldn't raise money any other way.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Doris: You have no values. With you it's all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
Harry: Hey, in France I could run for office with that slogan, and win!

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

I don't recognize this committee's right to ask me these kind of questions! And furthermore, you can all go fuck yourselves.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.