Karl Pilkington Quotes

From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!

On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella.

It serves a purpose.

I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it.

It would be impossible, I'd just chuck meself into the salt pot or something. I'd hate that, that would be horrible that [Karl answering Ricky's question of how he would get Suzanne's attention in the Kitchen if he were a slug]

No ones been up that high!

They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe.

Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?

I was walking past a sex shop an' that. One, it was open early which I never understood, it was about eight o'clock in the morning. Who needs butt plugs then?

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep

...but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?

The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it.

On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art

We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.