Robert A. Glover Quotes

Nice Guys have a difficult time comprehending that in general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual's life energy.

An integrated male possesses many of the following attributes: •He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is. •He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met. •He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality. •He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient. •He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about. •He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings. •He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving. •He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.

Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one’s self. An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

Do you believe that people can see your human imperfections and still love you? How would you be different if you knew the people who care about you would never leave you or stop loving you — no matter what?

Breaking Free Activity #34 Are there any areas in your personal relationships in which you avoid setting appropriate boundaries? Do you: •​Tolerate intolerable behavior. •​Avoid dealing with a situation because it might cause conflict. •​Not ask for what you want. •​Sacrifice yourself to keep the peace. If you applied the Second Date rule or the Healthy Male rule to these situations, how might you change your behavior?

"Surrender allows recovering Nice Guys to see each life experience as a "gift" from the universe to stimulate growth, healing and learning. Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" the recovering Nice Guy can respond to life's challenges by pondering, "What do I need to learn from this situation?

The following are a few of the ways Nice Guys unconsciously maintain a monogamous bond to their mothers. Look over the list. Note any of the behavior patterns that may serve to keep you monogamous to your mother. Share this information with a safe person. •​Over-involvement with work or hobbies. •​Creating relationships with people who need fixing. •​Addictions to drugs or alcohol. •​Sexual addictions to pornography, masturbation, fantasy, chat lines, or hookers. •​Affairs. •​Sexual dysfunction — lack of desire, inability to get or maintain an erection, or premature ejaculation. •​Forming relationships with women who are angry, sick, depressive, compulsive, addicted, unfaithful, or otherwise unavailable. •​Avoiding intercourse or taking vows of celibacy.

An integrated male doesn’t strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others. Instead, he accepts himself just as he is, warts and all. An integrated male accepts that he is perfectly imperfect.

"Developing integrity is an essential part of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome. My definition of integrity is "deciding what feels right and doing it.

There are no perfect relationships. There are no perfect partners. Relationships by their very nature are chaotic, eventful, and challenging.

will become whatever I believe a person wants me to be in order to be liked.

Toxic shame is the belief that one is inherently bad, defective, different, or unlovable. Toxic shame is not just a belief that one does bad things, it is a deeply held core belief that one is bad.

"all Nice Guys developed the same paradigm: "If I am good, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.