Bill Allred Quotes

Since my mother shaved her Hitler mustache, we look nothing alike.

It's only due to modern technology that you can be as pleasingly plump as you are.

I'm telling you, back in those Wendover days, it wasn't that hard to get it out of me.

Nothing cleans my palette like a polka.

Don't look at me weird. I'm sandwich crazy.

That's her psychic cock waking her up.

What do you mean you washed my three-piece hemp suit in the laundry?

I think I just got horny.

Growing up with the runs.

There is no way you could sit down more than you do.

Jesus is a place-kicker and he's gonna kick you through the goal-posts of life.

You know who Carrot-Top should be married to in a movie? Gallagher.

You can't trust midgets, particularly gay-loving midgets.

Our show curdles milk.

Do what is right let the booty follow.