Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.

What a doctor I’ve got — he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

"Когато бях отвлечен като дете моите похитители изпратиха писмо на родителите ми "Платете 5000 долара или ви го връщаме

If the odds are 50/50, I don't stand a chance!