James E. Ryan Quotes

Wait, what?” is first on my list of essential questions because it is an effective way of asking for clarification, and clarification is the first step toward truly understanding something — whether it is an idea, an opinion, a belief, or a business proposal. (It’s probably not a good idea to ask this question in response to a marriage proposal. Just saying.)

quick word, finally, about being a good listener. It is useful as a listener to be on the lookout for versions of the “Wait, what?” question. Some things you say will inevitably provoke opposition or challenge from friends, family members, or colleagues. It is easy, when on the receiving end of these challenges, to immediately begin an argument, trying to defend your position. But you might try to remember that the person posing the challenge or expressing opposition could simply be in need of further explanation or may just need to better understand the rationale or motivation behind what you are saying.

The simple truth is that an answer can only be as good as the question asked. If you ask the wrong question, you are going to get the wrong answer.

Too often we decide very early whether we agree or disagree with someone or with an idea, without making an effort to truly understand the person or the point. Our public conversations, and especially conversations on social media, often seem like exercises in picking sides and choosing teams. We hear or read something, make a quick call, then dismiss those with whom we disagree as ignorant or evil.

Because you were my first friend here. You listened to me.