James E. Ryan Quotes

suggestion was surprising and slightly hard to believe. An elongated “wait” followed by a short but emphasized “what” is a good way to indicate genuine incredulity. It’s a bit like asking, politely, “Did you really just say that?” or “Are you kidding?” The reverse formulation, featuring a short “wait” followed by an elongated “what” can be used when someone has asked you to do something, and it can effectively convey suspicion and skepticism about the motives behind the request or downright opposition to what is being asked of you.

Everyone has a unique story. […]

Learning these stories will inevitably enrich your life. It might even lengthen it. Curiosity, it turns out, is conducive to health and happiness, as scores of social scientists have documented. Curious people, not surprisingly, are likely to learn more and to retain more of what they learn. Curious people are likely to be more attractive to others, as people are attracted to those who seem interested in them. Curiosity also leads to empathy, an emotion that seems in short supply today. Curious people are likely to be healthier, and to experience less anxiety in particular, because they see new situations as an opportunity to learn rather than an opportunity to realize that they don’t know enough. Curious people are also, according to some studies, likely to live longer, presumably because they are more engaged with the world around them.

Too often we fail to pause for clarification, thinking that we understand something before we do. In doing so, we miss the opportunity to grasp the full significance of an idea, an assertion, or an event. Asking “Wait, what?” is a good way to capture, rather than miss, those opportunities.

Which leads me to the second essential question: “I wonder . . . ?” Before you object, I recognize that this is, technically, not a complete question. It is instead the first half of a series of questions. “I wonder” can be paired, at the very least, with both “why” and “if.” This chapter is about these two variations on a single theme, namely the questions “I wonder why?” and “I wonder if?” Asking “I wonder why?” allows you to remain curious about the world, which would have come in handy on my run in the Netherlands. Asking “I wonder if?” allows you to remain engaged with the world and is a way to prompt yourself to try something new.

there is no greater gift to bestow on children than the gift of curiosity.

When like-minded individuals get together, online or in real life, they tend to reinforce each other’s views. They not only increase the strength of each other’s convictions, but they often lead each other, intentionally or not, to take even more extreme positions.

Effective leaders, even great ones, accept that they don’t have all the answers. But they know how to ask the right questions — questions that force others and themselves to move past old and tired answers, questions that open up possibilities that, before the question, went unseen.

That’s ridiculous,” or, “That seems like a totally dumb idea,” remind yourself that they might simply be asking, “Wait, what?” They might be asking for a deeper explanation. They may still disagree with you, but after hearing your explanation in full, they will unlikely think your idea is ridiculous or dumb.

As parents (and teachers), you try to help solve problems, both big and small. Very often, you think you know what the solution is, so you offer your idea — or a whole slew of ideas. Yet sometimes offering solutions simply fuels the anxiety or stubbornness that your kids or students are feeling, just as occurred with the boy in ski school. If you instead listen patiently and silently to their concerns and complaints, and then ask how you can help, it changes the conversation. It usually causes my own kids to pause. They think about whether I can actually help them and, if so, how. More often than not, they eventually tell me that I can’t really do anything. But in saying this they are already starting to figure out the problem for themselves. What they most needed to do was vent, get some sympathy, and figure out a solution for themselves.

The only truly bad questions are not really questions at all. They are statements disguised as questions that are meant to be demeaning or designed to trip you up.

Asking good questions is hard because it requires you to see past the easy answers and to focus instead on the difficult, the tricky, the mysterious, the awkward, and sometimes the painful. But

Asking “Wait, what?” is also a good way to avoid jumping to conclusions or making snap judgments. Too often we decide very early whether we agree or disagree with someone or with an idea, without making an effort to truly understand the person or the point.

Couldn’t we at least get started?” on something — whether it was a new project or new initiative. I have discovered, consistent with Goethe’s observation, that once you commit to something, you often end up mobilizing a stream of resources, ideas, and assistance that you never imagined would come your way.

Curious people are likely to be more attractive to others, as people are attracted to those who seem interested in them. Curiosity also leads to empathy, an emotion that seems in short supply today.

The simple truth is that an answer can only be as good as the question asked. If you ask the wrong question, you are going to get the wrong answer.