James E. Ryan Quotes

Everyone has a unique story. […]

Learning these stories will inevitably enrich your life. It might even lengthen it. Curiosity, it turns out, is conducive to health and happiness, as scores of social scientists have documented. Curious people, not surprisingly, are likely to learn more and to retain more of what they learn. Curious people are likely to be more attractive to others, as people are attracted to those who seem interested in them. Curiosity also leads to empathy, an emotion that seems in short supply today. Curious people are likely to be healthier, and to experience less anxiety in particular, because they see new situations as an opportunity to learn rather than an opportunity to realize that they don’t know enough. Curious people are also, according to some studies, likely to live longer, presumably because they are more engaged with the world around them.

Which leads me to the second essential question: “I wonder . . . ?” Before you object, I recognize that this is, technically, not a complete question. It is instead the first half of a series of questions. “I wonder” can be paired, at the very least, with both “why” and “if.” This chapter is about these two variations on a single theme, namely the questions “I wonder why?” and “I wonder if?” Asking “I wonder why?” allows you to remain curious about the world, which would have come in handy on my run in the Netherlands. Asking “I wonder if?” allows you to remain engaged with the world and is a way to prompt yourself to try something new.

How can I help?” If you start with this question, you are asking, with humility, for direction. You are recognizing that others are experts in their own lives, and you are affording them the opportunity to remain in charge, even if you are providing some help.

The simple truth is that an answer can only be as good as the question asked. If you ask the wrong question, you are going to get the wrong answer.

The only truly bad questions are not really questions at all. They are statements disguised as questions that are meant to be demeaning or designed to trip you up.

quick word, finally, about being a good listener. It is useful as a listener to be on the lookout for versions of the “Wait, what?” question. Some things you say will inevitably provoke opposition or challenge from friends, family members, or colleagues. It is easy, when on the receiving end of these challenges, to immediately begin an argument, trying to defend your position. But you might try to remember that the person posing the challenge or expressing opposition could simply be in need of further explanation or may just need to better understand the rationale or motivation behind what you are saying.

Wait, what?” is at the root of all understanding. “I wonder . . . ?” is at the heart of all curiosity. “Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is the beginning of all progress. “How can I help?” is at the base of all good relationships. And “What truly matters?” helps get you to the heart of life.

.” It takes time to discover the question, but it is time well spent. Einstein, who was a big believer in the importance of asking questions, famously said that if he had an hour to solve a problem, and his life depended on it, he would spend the first fifty-five minutes determining the proper question to ask.

Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is a good way to get unstuck. It is a way to get past disagreement to form some consensus, as in, “Couldn’t we at least agree?” It’s also a way to get started even when you’re not entirely sure where you will finish, as in: “Couldn’t we at least begin?” No matter its specific form, asking questions that begin with “Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is the way to make progress.

Curious people are likely to be more attractive to others, as people are attracted to those who seem interested in them. Curiosity also leads to empathy, an emotion that seems in short supply today.

But I think it’s crucial because it reminds you (and others) to slow down to make sure you truly understand. Too often we fail to pause for clarification, thinking that we understand something before we do. In doing so, we miss the opportunity to grasp the full significance of an idea, an assertion, or an event. Asking “Wait, what?” is a good way to capture, rather than miss, those opportunities

The explosion of information fueled by the internet and social media should in theory help bring us into contact and engagement with ideas, facts, and beliefs that challenge our own, which in turn should help us moderate our views and keep an open mind. In reality, the opposite is happening.

As parents (and teachers), you try to help solve problems, both big and small. Very often, you think you know what the solution is, so you offer your idea — or a whole slew of ideas. Yet sometimes offering solutions simply fuels the anxiety or stubbornness that your kids or students are feeling, just as occurred with the boy in ski school. If you instead listen patiently and silently to their concerns and complaints, and then ask how you can help, it changes the conversation. It usually causes my own kids to pause. They think about whether I can actually help them and, if so, how. More often than not, they eventually tell me that I can’t really do anything. But in saying this they are already starting to figure out the problem for themselves. What they most needed to do was vent, get some sympathy, and figure out a solution for themselves.

More than any of his colleagues, Justice Stevens tended to break open the case by asking lawyers the question at the center of their case, one they had to answer successfully in order to prevail.

All because we asked “Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” instead of giving up on the idea altogether.