Jarod Kintz Quotes

Webster’s — the original high definition entertainment.

People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind.

A can’t in a can — it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love.

My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs.

I could scarf down a scarf faster than I could eat any other throat warmer, with the possible exception of your clenched hands around my neck.

I have the heart of a lion, and the circulatory system of a lamb.

Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a poor impression of a person. Maybe I feel this way because I have no money.

The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored!

If I could lick the sunset, I’ll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream.

A relationship is a sales process, and sometimes you must buy to sell, and when you sell it is to the benefit of both of you.

People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.

I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to decadence, and decadence leads to diabetes.

I don’t encourage chaos to initiate a revolution. The only reason to revolt is because the people find the government revolting.

Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.

I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You were like that with everything I said, taking the exact opposite stance, yet completely agreeing with me. That’s how I knew you loved me.